I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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