apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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