She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
