Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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