I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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