there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
