How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
