When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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