what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
