i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
