his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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