Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
