I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
