Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
