You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
