if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
