I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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