i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
