get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
