Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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