Capitaan dildo arrescate!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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