Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
