I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
