You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
a search helicopter?!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
