just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
