Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
