i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
