Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
