i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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