Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
