Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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