Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
