Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
is it fun? or sober?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
