Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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