dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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