Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
