mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You dont lie about slip and slides
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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