remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
