I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
