She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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