THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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