she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
