Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
