Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
