After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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