I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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