just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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