He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
