this beer tastes like vomit already
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Damn victory sex feels great
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
