Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
