Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
