Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
