So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
