I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
