Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
