i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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