My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
